(no subject)

[proximoception]

Do you see now what you're like?

Everyone knew but you.

Your straitjacket skin zips tight.

Your eyes block all your view.

Everything's ending now.

Your story has come apart.

Or is this your first chance to begin? Seeing how

there was no other you who could start.

Comments

[grashupfer.livejournal.com]

That first line. I should read that every morning.

[nightspore.livejournal.com]

I love this. I wonder whether you need "seeing" in the penultimate line? Start last sentence with "How", make it a question? Better meter, and less interference (or maybe you meant it?) with "see now" and "Your eyes block all your view." Just because it's not only about seeing, I don't think.