(no subject)

[proximoception]

In my weaker moments I worry that all the people I strenuously disagree with are in fact right and I am wrong. I never have this worry about specific points, since my exact objections seem so glaring, therefore it is out of these that I reconstruct my sense of things. Seems like this process of reconstruction is the likeliest place for me to change, to put it all back together different and maybe better. Knowing you're right and assuming you're wrong are forgetful states, while pursuing the right from limited certainties is the one attentive one. People have pointed out how most crucial new ideas come about in the pioneeer's twenties...I wonder how many of those in fact come out of adolescence, but were put away from shyness, since nobody listens to adolescents, even themselves. Maybe very few, but probably many stem from renewed adolescences, from these crises. Funny how horrible these states are, from inside, and how fast we run from them, and yet they're practically the only things that ever happened, that we ever think about. Only point in regaining virginity would be to lose it again, lose it better, but there's nothing to do once it's lost but pine for it. Or is that too extreme...maybe it's not that the grass is greener on the far side of the valley, but that we already have near grass, no need to go on about it, yet want far grass too. We want all the grasses.