(no subject)

What kills is how they accumulate.

When you're healthy you know things don't really accumulate. You take them one by one five at a time. You are healthy.

At twelve at a time they're no longer one by one and the system breaks down and things accumulate.

Everyone around you sees you dealing with just one thing and wonders what your problem is.

If you could explain it to them they'd immediately understand you were being accumulated upon and sympathize, maybe help. But you don't have time. Or as you are your words aren't so good. Or you no longer remember that accumulation isn't the norm. Or you don't remember they only see the one thing. Or you're so mad at them you would never talk to those fucks.

You can't talk to anyone about it. Except other accumulated-ons, who tend to just go on about their own accumulation - even though they're clearly just dealing with one thing at a time and should snap out of it. The fucks.

You can't talk to anyone but you need to talk to someone. Without someone you're close to hating everyone. With no one you are dying.

Which is part of the making of God.