(no subject)
Jan. 16th, 2010 07:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
proximoceptionI had defeated them, one by one, at great cost. What was left of me arrived at the latest of them. It stood silhouetted by bright cloud and ocean at the end of something. I wondered if it was not just latest but last. We spoke, following the formula. Some words I said eventually alarmed it.
But it was never intended to be that way. What good could harming you possibly do? I was there when it was planned. I dream it again every night. It was all to make you stronger. By fighting us you would think on us and come to understand us. You were to be our leader, the one to remake all this somewhere outside with a difference, make it lasting, desirable, apt. This was only ever for you.
Aghast I fell. I slept. I woke, slumped, paced, brooded, removed my armor, my shoes, my map patched up from others, my compass and watch, my filthy socks, my identity papers, money, the tokens of eleven love affairs. It watched in consternation till I spoke.
I knew at once something was wrong. I knew there was something inappropriate about what I was fighting. As I fought I came to distinguish, here and there, some, but only ever some things surely inappropriate, others surely there for a reason. Those I became fond of, those I could master, at our meeting put up scaffolding for more of me. It was that other element I thought of myself as fighting, finally, though it cannot be fought, cannot be fled. It cannot be known. And yet I came to know it, learned all the ways one could know about, know inside, know at the unknowable. Nothing you tell me comes as a surprise but your innocence.
It thought.
They must have tricked me. No, I must have dreamed them.
Both.
I will dream it better. I will dream away the trick. You must help me.
I put my hand on its golden head, its diamond nose, its pinecone mouth. It felt like one last trick of the unknowable.
But it was never intended to be that way. What good could harming you possibly do? I was there when it was planned. I dream it again every night. It was all to make you stronger. By fighting us you would think on us and come to understand us. You were to be our leader, the one to remake all this somewhere outside with a difference, make it lasting, desirable, apt. This was only ever for you.
Aghast I fell. I slept. I woke, slumped, paced, brooded, removed my armor, my shoes, my map patched up from others, my compass and watch, my filthy socks, my identity papers, money, the tokens of eleven love affairs. It watched in consternation till I spoke.
I knew at once something was wrong. I knew there was something inappropriate about what I was fighting. As I fought I came to distinguish, here and there, some, but only ever some things surely inappropriate, others surely there for a reason. Those I became fond of, those I could master, at our meeting put up scaffolding for more of me. It was that other element I thought of myself as fighting, finally, though it cannot be fought, cannot be fled. It cannot be known. And yet I came to know it, learned all the ways one could know about, know inside, know at the unknowable. Nothing you tell me comes as a surprise but your innocence.
It thought.
They must have tricked me. No, I must have dreamed them.
Both.
I will dream it better. I will dream away the trick. You must help me.
I put my hand on its golden head, its diamond nose, its pinecone mouth. It felt like one last trick of the unknowable.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-01-19 09:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-21 12:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-21 10:28 pm (UTC)