proximoception (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
proximoception) wrote2010-10-14 04:24 pm
proximoception) wrote2010-10-14 04:24 pm
(no subject)
Wrote a tiny poem c. 1998-9, among my very first, with a deliberate grammatical error, of which I immediately disliked the H. Rider Haggardness but couldn't come up with a suitable replacement:
The shape of she
Escapes from me
When finally I find her
But she's the kit
That fashioned it
And knits a fit reminder
How could that best have been fixed? I've come up with nothing each time it's called back to mind. I know it's not much of a poem - and you can see how into rhyme I was - but it still tugs as unfinished business. "Her modality" is too long, "Her shape, you see" is superfluously chatty, etc.
The shape of she
Escapes from me
When finally I find her
But she's the kit
That fashioned it
And knits a fit reminder
How could that best have been fixed? I've come up with nothing each time it's called back to mind. I know it's not much of a poem - and you can see how into rhyme I was - but it still tugs as unfinished business. "Her modality" is too long, "Her shape, you see" is superfluously chatty, etc.
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