(no subject)

[proximoception]

How do I know I didn't put them there,
Those back high places rimmed out from my mind
With snowflake foliage off delightful vines--
Weaving in on blue as that on black--
And angled meadows nooking novel mammals
Watching me from all 'round while I watch them all 'round.

Because the falling off is sensible.
One step they all fade back for each thing else that happens.
The snowflakes blue away, the blues black out
And blacks pass back behind those blacks and on.
The creatures close their eyes and drift away.

Comments

[howlikeyouthis.livejournal.com]

My favorite lines are the first of both stanzas--you really, really know how to start a stanza suggestively and confidently-- and "The snowflakes blue away, the blues black out" because it takes what could've been conventional (the idea that they dissolve, or get replaced/erased by an indifferent sky) into something a lot more meaningful and dramatic. There's a transition from the impermanent to the more permanent image but it's still daytime, then something outer- blackness-and inner weather, what happens when you look away or shut your eyes. Falling off and drifting away are two separate actions and that contrast nicely is highlighted too in the way the ideas begin and end that second stanza.