(no subject)

[proximoception]

I believe in honesty, expansiveness, and the need to break through all barriers between people and I practice none of that. I hide, understate, try to forget, try to limit. I'd say my beliefs are corrective (e.g. some addicts' need for a stern God) but I know I arrived at them unwillingly. They're where the math led. You're alive? Live. You see others? Share. All noticeable failures occur in this direction, all specific regrets, but withdrawal is the very substance of both - looks different only because unbroken. And it isn't just that you get sick when you don't put everything you have in with what everyone else does. There's an opposite to sickness that isn't merely health, and there's always more, and there's never enough. Remembering which from my habitual sickness feels like a sickness itself, but only the way a wandering air makes a closed room unliveable.

Comments

[proximoception.livejournal.com]

Yes. Though mostly from hiding and understating what was going on with me so thoroughly that I didn't realize help existed for that sort of thing. Less denial of what I knew than denying myself access to people, who can be sources of surprising information. Though Freud would suspect those were the same.